Hmmmmmmmm.....the second stanza is very aural; there is little else (if any) for the "mental ears," as compared to the "mental eyes." So far, that's 'bout all I got. First person is only in 2nd stanza. But...mmmmmm.....not bothering me. I don't think. I've always claimed (and always will) that poetry and music are inseparable. I'll have to "listen" a few more times to your verses to get further in. Maybe more later. Or maybe less.
Evocative work, Vance. Beautiful spaces in between the phrases. Congratulations on your FB-i-cide.
ReplyDeleteI feel like the second stanza interupts the rhythm..
ReplyDeleteEspecially the ending of the second stanza.
I love the wording.. and I think overall the flow is good.. but.. something bothers me.
Can you explain that to me?
The techincal explaination.
Hmmmmmmmm.....the second stanza is very aural; there is little else (if any) for the "mental ears," as compared to the "mental eyes."
ReplyDeleteSo far, that's 'bout all I got.
First person is only in 2nd stanza. But...mmmmmm.....not bothering me. I don't think.
I've always claimed (and always will) that poetry and music are inseparable. I'll have to "listen" a few more times to your verses to get further in. Maybe more later. Or maybe less.